I ought to be sleeping. Or trying to. But I can't, because it's 4am and that's just how my habits are these days. All I can say is thank goodness I've been scheduled primarily nights lately. I don't function well before noon. Not that I ever really have, but that's beside the point.
I feel like all I've done for the last two months is work, go to school, and sleep. Sure, I hang out with Josh and Derrick sometimes. But that's about all. Lately, I don't even feel like doing that. Monday is wing night at the Backdoor, and we always go. I don't know if I feel like it this week, honestly. I'm just in a mood right now where I don't feel like being social. I don't go out of my way to talk to anyone, really. I've barely bothered to text anyone the last week or so. Normally, I enjoy having text message conversations with people on a regular basis. But lately, I've just not felt like putting forth the effort.
I don't think I'm depressed or anything. I hope not, anyway. I'm just kind of blah. The whole summer and into the beginning of fall, I had so much drama and stress with the people in my life, I'm enjoying the lack of it now. I was emotionally exhausted, especially after all the back and forth with Joe and other Primanti drama. So for now, I've chosen to concentrate on work and school and let all the crap fall to the wayside.
I know my friends understand. I get like this sometimes, where I just don't want to go out and be social. Like I said, I'm emotionally exhausted.
I've even gotten to the point where I'm not even looking for a guy to date. Not looking, not hoping... basically I'm hiding from it. Again, emotional exhaustion. And maybe I'm selfish, but I just want to focus on myself right now. Plus, I don't really think I need to try and date someone when I'm still tangled up over someone else. No, the "someone else" is not Andy. I prefer to keep that to myself currently, and probably forever. I was over Andy as soon as we were done. Maybe that makes me cruel or whatever... I prefer the term resilient.
I worked Thursday night, Friday night, tonight, tomorrow night, Tuesday, possibly Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.... I also have class thrown in there a couple of times. To be honest, that's all I have planned for the week, and I'm okay with it. I start bartending on Tuesday, and I'm really excited about it. I enjoy bartending, making drinks and talking to people, etc. Plus, it means that management trusts me enough to promote me to that position.
I'll still serve some too, which is fine with me. I like having the option to do either one, which leaves me more options for open shifts and whatnot. More shifts = More $$ for me.
So I guess for now I'm just keeping my nose to the grindstone until I work myself out of this funk. I really think a couple of weeks of quiet, drama-free time to myself will do me a lot of good.
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