"Oh I'm calculating, yes I'm sick of waiting..."

I'm in a very Spill Canvas-y mood tonight. Have been all day, really. I'm not sure why. Just one of those days I guess. I am kind of pumped, as dumb as it sounds, I figured out today that I can import my music files from Zune to my Xbox 360 through the wireless. Small, but I was excited.

I need to pause for just a second to express my disgust over the godawful ketchup glaze that people insist on slathering their meatloaf in. I love meatloaf. I hate, hate, HATE ketchup. Except on corndogs and hotdogs. Those are acceptable.

Okay. Expression of disgust, check. We can move on now. The last time I blogged, nearly a week ago, I was really frustrated with things. There was a situation going on that I wasn't too happy with. As far as I know, it has since smoothed out. I'm really hoping that it works itself out, anyway. Because you know I've always got to do things the hard way, haha. But it seems like things are okay.

My brain isn't really here right now. Between being tired and anxious for 7AM to roll around, I'm all over the place. But Andy's going to come over and see me for a little while before I have to go to school. Which is sweet of him, duh, because he's working all night and then coming here instead of going home and to sleep.

Today was a really good day though. I got to go see my family for awhile and spend time with my beebees (Jake and Izzy, duh). Jake puked on me, but I'll forgive him haha. After that I met Andy for an early dinner/WalMart run. =] I'm always glad when I can squeeze in a little time to see him. Then I came home and opted to be productive. Clean sheets, clean clothes, clean (and dust-free!) room. I feel better about my life when I don't come home to a disaster at night.

That goes back to the whole thing where I love being organized and prepared for my day/week, but never manage to be prepared because I'm too lazy and busy. But at least most of it is done now, that way my evenings this week are free for other things. Well, I'll have to finish my laundry tomorrow. Because I'm tired, and its storming, and I am just so not going into the dark, creepy basement at 2 in the morning. That just screams bad horror movie.

I have to say, the last month or so, I've been just kind of bumping along. No big highs or lows I guess. Just doing what I need to do. School, work, sleep. I wasn't unhappy by any means, I just didn't have anything particularly exciting going on.

The last two weeks though, have been totally different. Ever since that door got blown off the hinges (I so enjoy using that metaphor, I'm not entirely sure why) it's been different. By the way, the exploding door was Andy kissing me. Or me kissing him, however you prefer to argue it. I know he'll read this and have something smart to say, he always does. Which is one of the things I enjoy about him. Anyway, since then, things have just been different. Good different, of course. I'm really enjoying whatever it is that he and I have going on here.

Another random thought: I was on my way to Monaca to meet Andy tonight, and I tried to go the back way from home (had to stop home and change out of the shirt that Jake decided to "scuse" on). Somehow, I managed to screw myself up and ended up in Freedom. I was supposed to come out in Rochester by the Sheetz. It could have been worse, I could have ended up somewhere completely ridiculous. But still. I've lived in this area my entire life and I still managed to get lost. Haha.

Well, its time for me to wrap this up. I need to get some sleep, he's coming over in the morning and then I have class from 11 to 8:30. Blah. I'll be happy in 5 hours. I'll be happier in like 40 hours. And dammit, this song is stuck in my head!

Alright, that's it, I've had enough, I'm on my way to you
It's nauseating and I'm sick of waiting
For all these pointless calls to go through

But no, I'm not a skeptic anymore
At last I see what all of this ridiculous hard work is for
The moisture in the air is begging for release
And the memory of your stare is raining down on me

You'd Be In Great Shape If You Ran Like Your Mouth

This is a quick vent-y post. I get really effing tired of everything being so damn difficult. For once, can something just go smoothly?

All I want is to do what is going to be best for me/make me happy. And there's always got to be someone or something that is determined to get in the way. Well as far as I'm concerned, karma/fate/Murphy's Law, whatever the hell you are, PLEASE GO EFF YOURSELF. I'm tired of everything being an uphill battle. I'm tired of the drama and stupidity that seems to surround everything.

Go away. Leave me alone, let me do what I need to do. And for crying out loud, if you're going to throw stones, CHECK YOURSELF. Glass houses, people, glass houses.

That's all. I've got things to do. Then, I'm going to hang out with someone who makes me smile and is currently the only person I know with his head on straight.

I'm feeling vaguely ill. Maybe it was the Laffy Taffy.

Friday night and I'm bumming in my sweat pants. For now anyway. I may go somewhere a little later, but for now I'm content here on the couch with my laptop and the Food Network. Hoping I'm not going to get sick, haha.

I've got a lot on my mind these days. It's nearly internship time, and that's pretty important. A lot of places hire interns on after they're done with their hours, and most places won't hire without experience, so that's valuable in the business world. But what do I want for myself? Six months ago I was sure, but now I don't know.

Is restaurant management really where I want to be? I mean of course every industry is going to have pros and cons, but do I want to put in the long hours and deal with all of the annoyances and difficulties that come along with a restaurant? And do I want to own my own place and have to sweat and worry and put up with the sleepless nights associated with owning your own business, or do I want to manage for someone else and have them breathing down my neck on a daily or weekly basis?

So I really need to figure it out. But then part of me feels like an internship is designed not only for experience in a chosen field, but also as an experiment. Maybe for me, it needs to be more about getting the experience in a restaurant (as my GM has already told me I can do my internship there with her, which would make my life easier) and seeing if it is something I think I can handle.

Of course, nothing is set in stone, I can always switch careers later in life or whatever if I'm unhappy. But I'd rather find my place in the world kind of quickly. I'm over this transitional period of my life, haha. Not much longer though. December can't come fast enough. Not that I'm wishing away my summer, no no no! I can't wait for warmer weather and long, sunny days.

I am so not designed to live in Western PA. I belong where it's perpetually warm and sunny (or at least more often than it is here) and I can drive maybe an hour to get to the ocean.

Wishful thinking. For now, I'll settle for a good ol' PA summer.

I have the strangest thoughts sometimes. Just FYI.

One last little blurb for the evening...

I'm not the most musically talented person. I can't really play an instrument (except maybe sort of the flute-- 4 years in school) and I'm not a great singer (only in the car, by myself or when I'm drunk), but music definitely plays a huge role in my life. It can make or break my mood, it can inspire me, it can take me down memory lane.

There are songs and albums that I have on my Zune that as soon as I hear the first few seconds, I'm taken back to another time in my life. I enjoy that. Lucky Boys Confusion, Lostprophets, and Finch take me wayyy back to sophomore year of high school. Every Avenue takes me back to this time last year. Some of it's good, some of it's bad. I don't know what brought this up right now, except its something that has been on my mind the last few days. Admittedly, since I found the Every Avenue- Picture Perfect album under my car seat. Combine that with all the stuff that's been going on lately, the people who have been coming back out of my past at me, and you've got a seriously broody moment.

At any rate, time to go put decent clothes back on. I just don't think bummy sweatpants and my Northgate Swim hoodie are going to cut it. And no, I don't know anyone who went to Northgate, or was on the swim team. Random acquisition.

Gonna go spend some time with a person who makes me smile. =]

I really ought to be doing homework. But my bouncy, happy attitude won't let me until I do this.

I am in an amazing mood today. Spring is coming, I can feel it in the air. I don't even care that it's cloudy right now, the fact that the high for today is 50-ish degrees is enough for me.

In addition, my car was being fixed and now I have it back. It is good as new, and shinier than it's been since I drove it away from the dealership almost 4 years ago. Sad state of affairs for me, I know. But when you live in the woods, washing your car just seems to be a futile effort. As I sat in the driver's seat of my car today with a sigh of contentment, I gently stroked the steering wheel and promised I'd treat her much better now. Haha. I'm positively goofy right now (more than usual anyway).

I have entirely too much caffeine in my system. In addition to the pre-11am class Amp, I have a giant iced caramel whatever with an extra shot and extra caramel from Starbucks. Because it's just an extra caramel kind of day. To those of you who know me well, this mood is probably a little frightening. I know, you're waiting for the switch to flip and me to start screaming obscenities and ranting about something.

That is usually how I roll.

I need to go get that homework done now. But I just felt the need to share my good day with everyone. And I've got people in my life who make me smile, so life is good.

My attention span is terrible today, This will probably take me forever.

I'm not ready for my Day 4 yet. I can't decide where to go with that. My brain is all over the place today due to lack of sleep and all the stuff going on in my life. So I'm just going to let some of it out on here I guess.

School is driving me crazy. I'm so over this BS. When I took my sabbatical, I got used to strictly being a working girl. I worked full time, paid my bills, and did whatever I felt like afterward. I didn't have to worry about coming home and pulling an all-nighter to study or write a paper or scrambling to finish an assignment I forgot. I enjoy using my brain for more than slinging sandwiches and beer, don't get me wrong. But I would enjoy it more if it didn't require quite so much of my time.

On top of that, I'm ready to get on with my life. I want the "big girl" job that is more than just serving. I want to establish myself in the world and all of that stuff. Get my own apartment. Not that I don't love living with Sarah, because I really do. But I'm the kind of person who needs a fair amount of alone time, which can occasionally be hard to come by. On the flip side of that though, I do enjoy having someone to talk to when I get home and give me second opinions on outfits, etc.

But at any rate, I'll be really happy when December rolls around. I will be taking myself on vacation after graduation, that's for damn sure. Somewhere warm and beachy. Ohhh the beach. I may need to switch from watching RvB to listen to some Jimmy Buffett and think about beaches and warm weather and sunshine and margaritas.

There isn't much else going on that's super-exciting right now. I go to work, I go to school, I watch the Food Network, sometimes I sleep, and I hang out with Andy.

That's pretty much my week right there. Not that I'm complaining, except about the school part, but I've already done that once and I hate being redundant.

There is one other thing. And I'm going to be a bit vague, because I'm  not entirely sure what to do with this one yet. Remember the hallway with all the doors from my last post? Well, I blew one of them right off the damn hinges, and I nailed a couple of them shut. The one that got blown off its hinges... well, it was a surprise. I'm still feeling that whole scenario out, so we'll see. But needless to say, it's occupied quite a few of my thoughts lately.

Stay tuned, hopefully I won't wait so long to post again.

I want desperately to write.

But I have pesky homework to take care of. Grumble...

Could have done it over the weekend, but really, I was entirely too busy with Pens and Steelers and just relaxing. It was much-needed, I assure you. Last week was pretty much awful. I won't go into it right now, because duh, homework.

But know that a new post is coming tonight. Day 4 of 30 Days for sure, as well as whatever else comes to mind.

For now, I just feel like I'm stuck in one of those hallways with like 4 different doors and I don't know which one I should go through... I keep opening the door and poking my head through to test each one out, but I can't bring myself to step through any of them.

Its kind of irritating.