Forgiveness.

Day 3 of my 30 Days of Honesty is something I need to forgive myself for. It's oddly appropriate, because the last couple of days I've been really beating myself up over some things.

What it really boils down to is forgiving myself for not being perfect. I have these incredibly high standards for myself and I can never live up to them. It's dumb things like not working out, or not getting up on time, or eating food that I know isn't on my diet. Although I didn't blow it as bad as I thought tonight with the deep fried fish. I'm only about 100 calories over my daily limit. Not that I'm not disappointed in myself, but still.

Pause to get a Diet Pepsi from the fridge.

Mmmkay. Back. At any rate, I get really upset with myself over my mistakes. Like really upset. For example, the other night I went out drinking and had a little too much and started acting like an idiot. It's rare for that to happen, I usually just have a few and chill, or even if I do get tipsy, I won't act up. But I did the other night, and it pissed me off. I don't like that people saw me that way or that I represented myself that way, because it isn't me.

I'm still pissed off, to be perfectly honest. But usually when something like that happens, I get the hint that it's time to rein myself in and quiet down, so to speak. On top of that, the alcohol definitely hinders my weight-loss goals. I'm probably sabotaging myself way more than I realize with the alcohol.

So the thing I need to forgive myself for is lack of perfection. And I've known that for some time. I just need to work harder at it. It should probably go on my list of New Year's resolutions. Which I'll post here shortly, I have them written down, but I feel like if it's on my blog, I'll feel slightly more accountable. =]

In other news, I still can't shake that blahh feeling. All day I've been this way. I think a big portion of it is the weather-- I am a sunshine girl. Today was just gray and cold and blahh. Plus, like I said, I'm still mad at myself for the other night (I know that I really should just let it go, it's not like I did anything terrible, I was just being loud and drunk) and I'm upset over the problems in my relationship with Nick.

That's a hard subject that I'm just not ready to put out there yet. My mood already sucks enough tonight, I can't add to it. I think I'm going to go finish watching my movie, maybe workout (fish and chips, oops). Relax, get myself prepared to double tomorrow...

It's only 8:20 when it feels like it should be closer to midnight. Weird.

I need a new project. I'm considering getting back into cake decorating and maybe trying candy-making as well. And cooking more. I have all these ideas for different recipes and I never bother to try them out. I should work on that.

That's another resolution.

Well, all I can do is hope for a good night's sleep and a lucrative double tomorrow. I need to think positive.