30 Days- Day 2

Okay, here's the next in the series. Something I love about myself.

I love my mind. I really, truly do. I put a lot of thought into this today, knowing I was going to blog about it this evening. I love being intelligent. I don't mean to sound pompous by saying that or anything, I'm not saying I'm the smartest person in the world. Not even close.

But I am a reasonably intelligent human being. I've been blessed in that school isn't that difficult for me, I pull pretty good grades and don't feel that I have to work especially hard for them. I know if I did genuinely apply myself, I could probably have a 4.0 GPA. I just choose not to work that hard for whatever reason. I also have trouble making myself go to class.

Regardless, I love that I'm smart. I love that I can pick up a book and be finished with it in one day if I want to. I love being able to go to school and not struggle with concepts and stuff, I love that I have good writing skills from reading so much and that writing papers and whatnot winds up being almost effortless.

Now that I'm done patting myself on the back for being smart, haha, I can move on to other things.

I'm getting that feeling again. The one that nags at me and reminds me that I'm getting a little out-of-control. Letting my laundry pile up. Letting my homework pile up. Staying out too late, just basically letting things slide when I know that they really shouldn't. And I have that bitchy little voice reminding me that I need to clean up my act and get my shit together. So I'm reining in and staying home tonight, doing laundry between periods of the Pens game and probably doing some homework as well.

I don't like when I get this way. I'm so much happier when I'm well-prepared for life. Clean clothes, clean room. Getting stuff ready for school/work the night before, etc. And yet somehow, I still manage to let it slip. I know that I'm happier when I'm organized and prepared and get enough sleep and everything, and yet I still manage to eff myself over on it.

Something to work on, I guess. I do tend to spend a little more time at home now that home is more centrally located, so that helps. I guess right now I'm making a promise to myself to try and do better at this whole being an adult thing. Basically, a commitment to being more responsible to myself.

I'm half asleep right now and it feels like it should be so much later than it is. But that's what happens when you make the mistake of staying out until 3 in the morning when you have to be at work at 10. Can't do that crap anymore, I'm miserable to be around when I don't get at least 7 hours of sleep.

Sunday evening when I went to bed, I was in such a good mood. I felt amazing. Happy, lucky, loved. Today, I'm pretty down on myself. It all comes back to that whole perfectionist thing, and getting angry at myself when I can't be perfect or whatever. And I get even angrier because I know part of the reason for all of this is sheer laziness.

We'll put it on the list of things to work on, I suppose. For now, I need to go fold some laundry between periods and get myself prepped for tomorrow.

I just need to remind myself more often, as someone important to me just did, that I have my life together. Going to school, working, and all of that is in order. I'm responsible, loving, and kind. And at the end of the day, my best is all I can give.